Category Archives: Wisdom

My trusted notebook may save the day today. I am writing this post in the notebook about overcoming this fear of mine because I am on a flight right now.

There is nothing more in the universe that I desire right now than to make it back to Toronto safely and go to sleep in my bed. Hotel beds are comfy but from hotel to ship to hotel, my bed is waaay better. It smells like me. And it has a blanket on it that smells like FBF…see, waaay better!

Oh no! Turbulence! The flight attendants don’t seem too concerned though.

I am scared and I have no other way of describing it. Yet, at the same time, I feel confident that this plane will arrive in Toronto safely. It’s almost like I could respond to that previous statement with…OBVIOUSLY!

Flight attendants do this all the time. Some do it twice a day, 5 times a week like a regular job. Some flight attendants do 2 or three really long flights per week. Pilots are up in the air all the time and they are all the experts on this stuff, not me, and they all see this as normal and pleasant.

I actually stress myself out so much during the flight, usually by thinking about the worst case scenario, that I affect my health. I give myself headaches, an upset stomach, and  I can’t eat or drink. Flying seems safer than all of those effects of stress.

And I think the key component to helping cure all of this stress is just by letting go. Letting go from holding my breath and letting go of all those unhelpful thoughts. The fear has a sneaky way of coming back and taking over though, usually in the form of an uncomfortable feeling or unusual sound from flight.

I’m a little less than half way there now. I always love that half way point because it means that  I am beginning to have less time left than has already passed. So, as I make it to this half way point, I will tell you some amazing things that have happened with getting on this flight.

As you know, I have been stuck in Seattle for a few extra days for two reasons:

1. I am flying standby
2. The flights here are packed solid and oversold, probably due to all those cancellations caused by that hurricane

So my family and I headed to the airport super early tis morning to catch an 8 am flight. We made it to the airport on time but the check-in line was taking over an hour. I was flying Air Canada and in Seattle airport, there are no Air Canada employees. Therefore, United employees take the Air Canada passengers in the check in line. The problem is that they have 15 United employees taking United passenger and only 1 employees checking in Air Canada passengers even though Air Canada has TON of flights out of Seattle everyday. All of this equals a very long wait. And because of this, we thought we were going to miss out flight. When we finally made it to the counter the lady informed us that the flight was an hour late. Excellent!

Upon arriving at our gate, we heard there were three seats available on the flight and decided to split up. These seats were all first class seats and I would be one of the family members hopping on! Yay!!! First class!!!

But, oh no!! They assumed we didn’t want to split up, gave our seats to someone else and took off without informing us…and with my bag! Bum!

I was a little upset because I thought it really sucked they could make such an error on a flight I was taking in first class!

On the bright side, I was able to talk to FBF and have a snooze while I waited for the next flight out.

The next flight to Toronto had more seats open, so we were all getting on. We started to head down the gate to the plane when I found out that all 5 of us had seats in first class!!! Even though I love riding in the very back, this is a nice treat: HUGE SEATS, ALCOHOL, FOOD, HOT TOWELS…Could I ask for anymore??

Now there was a little block getting into the actual plane probably because people were stowing their carry-ons. I was stuck in the perfect spot to curiously peek into the cockpit. A flight attendant noticed and asked me if I wanted to go in and say hi. Of course I did! I got to meet the pilots. They were very nice and seemed excited to fly again and totally confident that they knew what they were doing. They told me what to expect on the flight and then just told me to relax and enjoy. They just flew into Seattle from Toronto and were turning around to go home, so knowing that they did this less than a half hour ago was really helpful.

Yay! I just made it to the halfway point!

Interestingly enough, the more I am writing about this, the more I am viewing flying as just another mode of transportation rather than a thrill ride.

So back to the story…

I would also like to add in that if I left at 8am, I would have been flying though really crappy Seattle weather during take-off. Once noon rolled around and my flight’s turn was approaching, the weather had completely cleared up!

The point is that a million and one things happened to make the flight enjoyable and I felt like it was all just for me. And maybe you don’t believe me right now but first class smells like freshly baked cookies. I guess they are preparing dessert for us.

I’m slowly approaching Fargo, then comes Minneapolis and then the great lakes (as viewed from the flight map on the TV screen). After the great lakes comes Toronto! I am going to keep that positive attitude that I will be able to arrive and be able to publish this post. Then I’ll ask my parents for $500 for a fear of flying course. Then they will say no.

The big flight to France is still to come and I want to be able to relax so much that I can sleep. Sleeping has brought upon many failed attempts over these last 2 flights. Well, this flight is only half over I if I can relax enough, I still may have the change to catch some.

Anyways, enough writing, more relaxing!

Thanks for joining my fear upon Air Canada flight 542!!

Love you!

Soon this title will be “Airplanes, Yaaaaaaaaaaay!” Hopefully in seven days or so because that is when I take my first flight of the three upcoming flights.

Everybody in my life has been extremely supportive of me overcoming this fear. My little sister is constantly reassuring me. She is only 14 but when I asked her for some words of wisdom on the topic she said, “I don’t think about the possibilities, I think about the amazing trip ahead of me.” Pretty brilliant for a 14 year old.

I’ve talked FBF’s ear off about the fear and I am getting constant reassurance there. And, I am talking about it a lot at work to. The verdict seems to be that flying is safe, bottom line.

There is risk in everything in life, as I have mentioned before. This is where I have to ask myself the big question: Am I willing to take the risk for the greater goal? Of course the answer, as I write, is yes! But when I am in the grips of anxiety, my answer is no.

I went to the doctor’s office yesterday and spoke to my (amazing) doctor about this fear. She is very honest about situations and life. Besides prescribing my some anti-anxiety medication, she responded honestly to my statements about flying. I told her, ‘I just want a guarantee!” She said, “There are NO guarantees in anything in life.” I asked, “If you aren’t scared of flying what causes you to remain calm during a flight, like what are you thinking.” She said, “I just let go of control. There is nothing I can do about the situation at hand and I don’t let it bother me.” These both seem like very mature responses to this situation.

I want to feel calm. I want to be relaxed. I want to enjoy the view out the window and take a million pictures. I want to dream of being in Alaska and how amazing that will be and also about reuniting with FBF and how great France will be but I can’t because I am too focused on the physical “getting there” part.

In the past week, because the date is getting closer and closer, I have been researching overcoming the fear of flying like a mad woman. All the information is out there that it is safe. I say to myself, “If it is safe, why do the accidents happen?” Why, why, why? Can we really answer those questions? Does it bring value to answer those questions? Accidents happen. We cannot avoid them. They are flukes and unlucky. What can we do? They are unfortunate and the only thing we can do is prevent the same thing from happening in the future. It’s almost like those people involved in accidents gave up their lives to make aviation safer for the rest of human kind. So for them, I am grateful.

From all the information I have found and read the main thing I gather is not from any of the information gathered but from my own conclusion. It is all about letting go. I need to LET IT GO. Imagine how amazing it would feel to simply (yes simply) let this fear go and arrive safely all three times!! Imagine how much better of a human being I can be from OVERCOMING a fear and realizing that on the other end I was safe all along. Imagine how I will be able to use this in other areas of my life as well. What else do I need to let go of? Well fear in general. It prevents me from doing so much.

Letting go is a five letter word: F.A.I.T.H. What would it be like to have faith that all will be well? What would it be like to just know that all is happening in the perfect way in my life, that my drum set will be sold, that I will remain healthy as long as I want to, that all will be well in France.

The fear of airplanes, if overcome and proven worth overcoming, will ripple out into so many other areas of my life. Will I be a new woman? No! I will be without irrational fear though, or at least well on my way to being without irrational fear.

Fear is good. It protects us from danger. Danger is the key word. Sometimes our body just doesn’t accurately detect danger well. Sometimes it thinks that everything is dangerous. Sometimes simply the unknown seems dangerous to our bodies even though it is perfectly safe. My body using its fear at the appropriate times is what I ultimately want. I don’t want to be sitting on a roller coaster and fearing airplane crashes because of the strange sensations. I don’t want to be on a plane and making up “what if” scenarios. On the other hand, if I am in the wild and a bear has started to pursue me I hope I will feel fear, than I can get the heck out of there!

I have 7 more days. 7 more days to get myself out of this fear. 7 more days to feel more confident about this flying business.  more days to develop my faith.