I have recently been asked this question and want to answer it here on my blog. I am no expert besides the fact that I consider my relationship to be very romantic therefore I am going to answer this question from my personal perspective.
First of all, let’s get some things straight. You absolutely cannot make someone do something. You cannot physically force someone into being more romantic with you or they will quickly see how you are not someone that they want to hang out with anymore. Honestly ladies, what if a man were to make you be, let’s say, sexier with them. If they physically forced you into being this way you would consider it completely inappropriate and would most likely (if you are smart) leave the relationship, in extreme cases of course.
If you want your man to be more romantic than it all has to start with you. Whenever I have friends ask me advice like this, I immediately go to Max. The last thing I want to tell my friends is something that could potentially harm their outcome. He always tells me the same thing, “It’s not personal. They are not doing (insert romantic action here) because they are guys and guys do not think in those ways most of the time.” So we clear this part up. Ladies, it is not personal so stop taking it to heart.
Now, is your man really not romantic? Check your expectations! What do you want from him?
Do you want him to take you out to dinner more often? Yes! Well, is this realistic? In my relationship, this is not realistic. Max is a student and I am an expat and we simply cannot afford to go out to romantic dinners very often. When we do end up going out, it’s usually just for a glass of wine and a dessert and even that doesn’t happen very often but when it does I am very appreciative. Do you want to know how I re-create those romantic moments? I cook a romantic meal with wine and candles maybe once a week or so, at home. I take that romantic initiative because after all, it’s me who wants lots of romance in the relationship. In the end, Max appreciates my gesture so much and that’s more than I could ask for.
Is it flowers you want? First, does he know how much you love flowers? Do your eyes light up and excitement sweep your body every time you pass a flower shop? Are you constantly looking at flower printed items? Are you, yourself always filling your home with flowers, even if it means buying them for yourself? I do all of these things, making my lust for flowers known. Max knows how much I love flowers and therefore he knows that it’s a treat for me is to buy me flowers. And let me tell you, I always have fresh flowers around whether a gift or having purchased them myself.
I do the same for him too. I know how much Max loves a certain little French baked good (pain au chocolat). His face lights up when we pass a bakery, he is always buying them for himself and he talks about them sometimes. It’s a nice little treat for me to give him sometimes.
Please keep this next part in mind…I’m not sure about the country you are living in but in Canada flowers are very expensive. In France, flowers are very cheap. In Canada, I only received flowers on special occasions and I almost never bought myself flowers. In France, I am receiving flowers all of the time and buying myself flowers all of the time. You see what I am getting at.
If you want more romance than you have to be more romantic. Bottom line. Men are not always naturally romantic creatures so you need to guide them. The first thing that you need to do is be more appreciative to things they already do for you. If you are constantly begging for more than they will want to give you less because you cannot even see the multitude of things that they already do for you.
If your man is driving 40 minutes to see you every few days, he is spending a lot of gas money. To him, that is probably more romantic than buying flowers. Thank him for this because, really ladies, driving 40 minutes is a huge effort on his part. Think of those drives as a bouquet of flowers and reciprocate the action (pain au chocolat?). If your man buys you a $6000 engagement ring and therefore holds back on taking you out for dinner for a few months, understand him and be on his side, after all, he has to pay for that ring somehow and soon enough your expenses will be combined. If he calls you and tells you about how hard his day is, feel special that you are the one that he confides in. Once you start noticing these little things he does for you every day, because he really does love you so much, than you can stop expecting those grand gestures that are honestly unrealistic and realize that at heart, your man is already a natural romantic.
If you want to end up with this man because you love him so much than you need to be on his team. That means stop complaining about him, join forces and put your energy towards a common goal. See things from a couple perspective instead of selfishly or it simply won’t work out the way you want it to.
Other ways to bring more romance into your relationship include:
- You running a bubble bath and inviting him in
- Asking for a massage when you need one
- Giving a massage for no reason
- Telling your man you love him every time you think of it even if only in a text
- Saying, “Kiss me!” in a cute voice
I hope this helps and thanks for reading!